I was born with a shot glass in my hand
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It's blow job season.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
