I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
not ubering you a puppy
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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