its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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