The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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