bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
