i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Randomize
