dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
