He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
