So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
