tell your sister to shave her snatch
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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