Screwed.edu
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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