it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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