just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
pray to the hookup gods
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
