U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
