He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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