he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
