good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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