I should be sponsored by Trojan
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
