Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
