I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
