i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
