we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
