god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
