It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
