he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
