Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Who died my cat blue again?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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