she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Every concussion has its silver lining
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
