While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
