I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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