@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
