Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
