Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
