I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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