'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
