i jhust puked up my retainher.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
