she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
