we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
