Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
