dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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