worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
