I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
