Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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