Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
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