I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
