After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
