you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
