We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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