Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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