hotel room ftw
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
