This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
you didnt know i had herpes?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
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