I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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