you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
