fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
