Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
