i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
